Yes I eat sandwiches with a knife & fork (sometimes), what of it?

The Subway in Falmouth, Cornwall

Whilst I was in Falmouth yesterday, I decided to head to the Subway there for lunch with a friend. The Truro branches tend to have their plastic knives and forks in a place where members of the public can pick up a pair as needed. Falmouth’s, however, were behind the counter.

When I asked for a knife and fork, the duty manager was all, “We only give those out to people who have bought salads.”

To which I replied, “Well, I ain’t going to be able to eat this [Veggie Delite] without a pair so hand them over.” I restrained myself from the obvious pun, obviously.

With an annoyed frown the guy handed over a pre-packed ensemble of fork with knife. I then went and sat with my friend and was able to eat my lunch.

“Yeah, ‘un all, but why do you need a knife and fork to eat a sandwich?” You may well ask.

Here’s the skinny: I’ve got crap teeth. My bite is so bad that there’s a gap between my rows of teeth when I close my mouth shut tight or when I go to bite. At home I don’t tend to resort to eating utensils with my sandwiches, I don’t mind ripping and tearing through my meals in the company of family. However, when I’m out and about I like to offer people the chance of not wondering if I’m about to “wolf out” on them, due to how I tear through breaded meals with my teeth that don’t really bite.

I also can’t bite my nails. Which is probably a good thing as I like to do stuff like this with them:

I still have a caption addiction

Oh, and I have issues eating meat off the bone too. I don’t like ribs much due to this.


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