Cinema Etiquette

Popcorn is fine...

I went to see Due Date last night, and it was bloody brilliant. For me, it made up for The Hangover, which shares many of the same creative forces behind it. (My issues with The Hangover don’t mean it’s a bad film, I just really don’t like it, because I can’t find any characters in it that I am able to empathise with.)

Anyway, Due Date was ace, but how many of my fellow audience members behaved was not. I don’t care if they were mostly teenagers – I was a teen not too long ago – and they should know better. So, just in case you’ve forgotten how to act in this particular area of the public realm:

  1. Do not talk in a volume above a discreet whisper once the film starts.
  2. Do not put your feet up on the seat in front of you.
  3. If you spill your drink all over the floor do get a member of staff and get it cleaned up straight away so that the people sat in front of you don’t end up with damaged handbags.
  4. If you do put your feet up on the seat in front of you, don’t be surprised if the occupier of that seat berates you during or after the film.
  5. And if point 4 happens minus the berating, that means that the occupier of the seat is wondering how best to hire a small child to kick you in the back of your head, repeatedly, for over two hours.
  6. Smooching is superb, groping is grim, sex sucks when everyone is looking in.

And yes, I am the female version of Peter Highman.

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